Work Travels

I am writing this on a train somewhere in-between Cardiff and Birmingham. I have just lost 67 games of solitaire in a row and have seen my score go from $679 to -$1030 in 1.5 hours. So I need to take my mind off things. 

Well what can be said about a flight that had it all. Melbourne to Singapore... easy. Emergency exit seat, no one next to me and one crying baby that reacted brilliantly to some good old CP. 8 hour flight. 6 hours sleep. Success.  

Singapore to London however is another story. Would you like an upgrade to premium economy Mr Parker? Yes please. Would you like to sit next to a pleasant flyer Mr Parker? Of course. How about one hour into the flight we organise some turbulence that will force you to wear Bloody Mary for the remaining 12 hours? Wait what!?

Clear turbulence they call it. Clear because they can't see it approaching apparently. Well that certainly goes halfway to explaining why my Bloody Mary ended up all over the the bloody (alliteration) roof. 

Lucky for us superior folk on the upper deck breakfast had been served and cleared, unlike the others on the lower deck. Cattle Class (as I like to call them) always, and rightly so, eat last and unfortunately they were eating during this sudden drop of 100 feet in 3 seconds. Well you can imagine the carnage. Food trays everywhere, noodles all over the ceiling, coffee all over the pants. One guy even got stabbed by a floating knife. The story made the Aviation Herald the next day (http://avherald.com/h?article=462eaf1c&opt=0). Yes, who new the Aviation industry had a newspaper. Luckily my good friend Lachlan Stanley works as an air hostess for Jetstar and he kindly forwarded me the link. It even made the Herald Sun online four days later. 

So anyway 9 hours later as we exited the flight in London, Singapore Airlines staff kindly offered us a box of Guylian Chocolate for our troubles. I kindly asked for some Garnier fructis to wash the tomato juice out of my air, however the unfortunately declined. They also declined my request for Omo to washthe tomato juice out shirt and jeans.  

So that is my story about flying. I have some good stories to share in the coming days. Stay tuned to hear about Dwayne Bravo's ultimate coolness and my small steps to becoming a YouTube phenomenon.

People I do not Trust

People who were their running shoes on the way to work

Car dealers

People who hold their sneezes in - what have you got to hide?

Netball referees

Car mechanics

People who keep their butter in the cupboard

People who run aged care facilities

People who wear sunglasses inside

Tom Piotrovski

That man on late night TV that sells limited edition cartoon drawings

People with two first names

People who wear their mobile phones on their belt

People who say they are in the import/export business

University librarians

2009 University Games

Its been a while since I last posted a blog on here, many would say it's been a while since I had a thought. However I would disagree. The last week I attended the Australian University Games, location.... The Gold Coast.

Sunday began well with my early arrival at the Tiger terminal. However I had made the bad decision of leaving my wallet at home. The great staff at Tiger kindly allowed me to check in without photo ID and had my parents hand my wallet to my mates Kieran and Lachy who were flying up later in the day. By the time I Grant Pirchalled up at the Gold Coast and informed Maddy and Jamie that I could no longer share a taxi, I discovered that I had three hours to wait until they arrived and without much breakfast, by gee I was Stewy for a Darren.

Sunday night began with a few froffies in room 34 where we met the rest of our team mates from other states. Captain Dunne decided that he would like to be known as simply football for the week and introduced himself as such.

Upon receiving our final warning from hotel management within 2 hours of checking in to our apartments we decided to head out to Sea World for the opening ceremony. The handing out of free Nestea ice teas had everyone a little excited, perhaps some too many. Captain Football introduced Sergeant Stiffarm to many of the boys for the first time, much to the disappointment of Boydy who had laced his ice tea with vodka.

Following Sea World we decided that we hadn't partied hard enough and headed off to Melbas for some more beers and good times.

Monday morning began with an 8:30am lecture from hotel management who threatened to fine us $50 if we made too much noise and if that wasn't enough, he'd kick us out. From here we headed out to Southport footy oval where we took on Griffith University in our first game for the tournament. After leading all day we were able to hold off a fast finishing Griffith thanks to some clever time wasting by Captain Football who booted the ball into oblivion after receiving a free kick in the goal square. Chris Dunne handball count = 0.

Monday night was pirate night and the whole ACU team headed to the bowls club for a roast darren and to blow the froth of a couple. We then headed to Bedroom nightclub where anybody who thought they would escape with their shirt intact was clearly mistaken. After leaving bedroom primed for a reasonably early night, the bright lights of melbas attracted and stopped in for a few quiet ones with the Shib and the Creed.

Tuesday's games saw us knock-off both Queensland University and Queensland University of Technology. These wins were overshadowed by the shock injury to star player Luke Hodge who would have to sit out the next few games in the hope of recovering for what was seeming like a gold medal match on Friday. Chris Dunne handball count = 0

Tuesday night was wiggle night and the panorama boys headed to the bowls club for $3.95 roasts and more cheap froffies. We were joined by the other footy boys who tried their hand at a bit of karaoke with their rendition of ring of fire lifting the boys as they headed off to melbas. A great night was had which ended with Filthy peeing one to many times in a phone booth for the police's liking. A night in the cell was spent with a man who believed the promotional red bull car wanted the meat from his taco.

Wednesday morning was an early start with the opposition, University Technology Sydney, asking us if THEY could forfeit. We decided to play on with one wingman still recovering from his big run on monday (timmy p) and the other out on bail. An inspiring speech from the skip in which he asked to put our head over the trough and to start thinking about it we jumped to an early lead. With the coach and 1/4 of the VFL midfield refusing to speak to each other, we still managed to come out on top by 10 goals and set up a semi-final encounter with Bond University. Chris Dunne handball count = 0.

Wednesday night was hat and tie night which kicked of with an amazing bbq at the soccer girls apartments. With the manager being a massive Daryl Somers fan we were given 1 minutes warning to pack up and get lost as he wanted to watch Hey Hey it's Saturday. We tried explaining to him that it was Wednesday but he wouldn't have a bar of it and we moved up into the girls room with papa Ryan refusing to clean the bbq. In the girls apartment we tried explaining the language of the jive to the American exchange students but for some reason they didn't know who Darren Mead was. From there Sin City was on the cards but Marky Mark and myself soon heard the bells of melbas calling and we headed off to party with the soccer girls and sink shot after shot with Zoe.

Arriving back at panorama I found Captain Football who had had one to many koalas and we headed up to our room. A sneaky froth was had on the couch with carlo and carlos at 5am as we believed this crucial preparation in winning our semi final.

With the teams jailbird Filth escaping with a fine and no criminal record we headed off once again to Southport for a place in the gold medal match. An inspiring pre game speech from coach PC in which he questioned the financial integrity of the opposition, ACU managed to come out and consistently put their head over the trough. The order of Jules to take out the opposition's best player and see how they react brought the team alot closer and made us wonder how much the coach really wanted this. The team was lifted by the support of the soccer girls and two inspirational handballs from the skipper we managed to get over the line 82-10 and be the first team into the gold medal match.

We decided to stick around and watch our potential finalists. Special comments throughout the day were provided by Nathan McLean who disected the oppositions ball movement and their key players. Chris Dunne handball count = 2

Much debate took place on Thursday night on whether to froth or not. The decision which was reached was the harder you froth the harder you play and the first of many beers was consumed. With an inspirational pre-game flirting speech from Campo, Timmy Gray headed off to Shooters with his game face on. The coaches Robert Harvey 5 efforts speech was still ringing in Timmy Grays ears as he hit the dance floor and did his very best work. I f his heart wasn't bulging I'm sure something else was. Special mentions must go Foxy who managed to pick up while wearing a dress and make-up. The night ended with myself watching foyer cam well into to the early hours of the morning and opening the doors for all and qaundry.

With a big gold medal game on the cards we decided to get to the game at least 30 minutes before the start of play. Coming up against our first football playing state in Edith Cowan Uni from Western Australia we knew we were gonna be in for a tough encounter. With an inspirational return from Luke Hodge and the Rookies even more inspirational haircut, we were able to get off to a good start. With Foxy all to keenly following Tron's orders Gia was able to set-up the team for the win with the help of Campo and his half time energy boost.

With the final siren blowing we were able to celebrate ACU's only gold medal of the games with all the supporters getting involved in the Whooping Bird song. Chris Dunne handball count = still 2.

Friday night finished with a team function at the bowls club in which many of us were kept entertained by Maccas incredible story telling ability. GET UP NATHAN MACLEAN. YOUR LETTING DOWN YOUR COMMUNITY, YOUR CLUB AND YOUR FAMILY. We finished off were we started, Melbas, before those with an early flight hit the kip, and rest hit showgirls.

A great week was had by all and if you need any help in understanding any grammar just let myself know.

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Thought I'd add a few honorable mentions. The memories are slowly coming back

Boydy getting pushed into the bushes whilst in a trolley.

Filthy getting away with his first piss in a phone booth.

I think Shib should now be referred to as Nate Myles. If you don't get it, google Nate Myles and you'll understand.

Grazer trying to compliment a girl by telling her she looks like an AFL footballer.

All the footy boys coming down to watch the soccer girls and witnessing a modern day maradonna in girl form from Vic Uni tear up the pitch.

Mellory skulling an $80 cocktail that was unwillingly bought for him with his own money.

PC asking Dunney who the hell does he think he is, after Dunney got caught holding the ball. PC kept on asking til the skip acknowledged.

Macca asking for advice on how to tell his miss after his little trip to the patron Saint. Ripper.

Inspirational leader Brendan Davey's decision to go to bed at 10 o'clock one night. What a wuss.

Captain Footballs 2 Chrissy Mews at the bowls club. Same amount of mews as handballs.

And finally Carls text message. Let it never be forgotten

Remember Remember Remember

The Oxford Dictionary describes fire as the act of being removed from your current employment. I was never really a fan of Guy Fawkes until I saw V for Vendetta. I was never really a fan of Guy Fawkes until I came to Britain. I could never really understand why people wanted to a celebrate the attempted burning down of British parliament. Then I started to learn about the likes of John Major, Margeret Thatcher and Gordon Brown and I thought, fireworks and bonfires for everyone. Now I'm not claming to be an expert on the politcs of Britain, but these people are some of the most boring people I have ever seen, and a little fire up the backside every now and again couldn't do them much harm.

But now to the point. I bought a £50 firework which was just shorter than my good self. It was your basic firework, green and blue in colour and type that makes people produce those sounds of approval that are so difficult to type. A group of us were down in Port Meadow, the largest piece of land in England untouched by artificial fertelisers. We were firing these fire works by planting them in the ground, lighting them, and running for cover. Only sometimes they were aimed at cows. But then one clever barmen decided it would be fun to light it and throw it up in the air. He immediately regretted the decision. Now when you throw a stick it tends spin in the air, as does a firework. When this firework decided to blow its top it was aimed directly back at us. Now remeber the first scene mof Lord of the Rings when everyones celebrating Bilbos birthday and the big dragon firework swoops down on the party. It wasn't like that at all. Everyone got out of the way pretty easily and unharmed, which made it all the more easier to chase the barman across the across the meadow and hurl mud at him until he was covered from head to toe.

Royale

Currently at Basel station waiting for a train to Paris. It's the coldest I've been in a long time. Decided to get a 1/4 pounder with cheese from McDonalds. Do you know what the call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Switzerland? A 'Royale with Cheese'. Its something to do with the metric system I think.

Benito

A wise person once told me that the one good thing that Mussolini did for Italy was to get the trains to run on time. This thought I pondered as I sat in my train motionless, somewhere between Florence and Milan, as my train to Basel from Milan was pulling out of the station. Having arrived an hour late in Milan I sought out the ticket office who kindly charged me €5 for their inability as an organisation, but mainly it was for a reserved seat on the next train to Basel. Having to wait two hours for my next train was not that fun. nor was the thought of arriving in Basel in the pitch black, having no idea where my hostel is, and the forecast of snow overnight. Oh how good is this

Shetland ponies

I was sitting in my villa in Sorrento, in the south of Italy contemplating. I was thinking to myself that I really love this place and could seriously live hear for an extended period of time. However with CNN on the television something quickly change my mind. The reporter said 'this is just in from Australia, a pig the size of a shetland pony is currently keeping its female owner prisoner in her own home'. It showed the woman trying to climb out the window and the big pig standing below the window looking angry. I thought to myself, 'I cant leave that life behind for ever.'